I have repeated the same pattern the last 4 years of my life. It happens in 3 acts.
January I get pissed at myself that I have gained weight through the holidays. I learn to forgive myself and I recommit myself.
Feburary thought August
2 steps forward 1 step back. But weight comes off slowly. I do well for a week or two and then when I see success I “treat” myself to ice cream or some shit by telling myself I earned it. I earned it when I still look like this?
Septmeber through December
I say fuck it. I accept bad self talk and give up. I tried hard and I am the same I have been for years, I tell myself. Enjoy the holidays and we can look at getting this going again.
I lose 20 pounds.
I gain 20 pounds.
2020 – 2021
This year I did a little something different. With COVID and my Gold Gym being closed, I took to Youtube looking for workouts I could do at home and I found JT Texieria of Body Weight Strength
I also joined his community on discord via patreon.
I also decided to experiment with carnivore diet.
Seafood – Oysters, Shrimp, Sardines etc
Coffee (black) + Tea (hot and iced)
Avocado – with my sardines
I was successful.
So what happened?
I slowly started to go back to old eating habits. The difference this time was I never said “fuck it” I would reset.
On an asside resetting and starting again can be seen as a postive – the “Never Give up!” Good for you!. But reseting and then feeling that you know in 3 days there is an event you have to go to and that you might break etc. It wears you down.
Lesson #1 is that you must be honest with yourself. That is why I take pictures like these with my shirt off. I need to face myself. I assure you in my minds eye – I do not look that fat. In fact in todays FAT America – I look around and I am pretty normal.
Long and Short
Jan 1, 2021 my weight was 256 pounds.
Jul 1, 2021 my weight was 258 pounds.
I broke the cycle.
So now what?
To be honest, I had a small melt down yesterday. I had pitty party for myself “I will never be appropriate weight and strong. Just say fuck it.”
But the next day, I faced facts, and set my resolve. Again.
Lesson #2 No one is coming to save me. It is me vs myself each day. Each Hour. Each Minute.
Opportunity is here.
I am going to get this journey done and if you care to follow along – I am going to document my progress here.
My moto is showing not telling.
If you have questions, email me and ask. But recommendations? I do not have much to offer. Follow along and see what I do and if it might work for you.
It is my hope that my journey might inspire someone to start theirs.
Jon Blestein writing for Rolling Stone – Quotes Wilson:
Self’ is about our new age of narcissism and self-obsession, one in which a human race that used to look out with curiosity at the world and the stars now spends much of its time gazing at a little screen to see themselves reflected back in the mirror of social media.
So few artist make social commentary that has a bite any longer.
Perhaps, I am missing most of it due to the fact I am an middle aged white dude who truly does not understand or enjoy modern rap and hip hop which I think is where most of the action is these days.
This song along with my interest in developing a deeper life made me think about Huxley’s Brave New World.
The “Brave New World” denizens were plied with pleasure, distraction, advertisement and intoxicating drugs to lull them into complacency, a world of perfect consumerism, with lower classes doing all the work for an elite.
Seeing the recent backlash around the updated Apple Music design such as Apple Music Music sucks I thought I would share what I listen to most days.
It is a an online commercial free radio station. A stream. You turn it on and listen. Here is the webplayer but there are many ways to listen. Most days I stream it through my Homepod. Here is how Bill the owner and mastermind describes it
RP’s Main Mix is a blend of many styles and genres of music, carefully selected and mixed by two real human beings, and presented in ultra high fidelity sound.
Our specialty is taking a diverse assortment of songs — modern and classic rock, world music, electronica, even a bit of classical and jazz — and making them flow together in a way that makes sense harmonically, rhythmically, and lyrically.
I started listening to RP back in 2003. It first aired in Feb of 2000
There are so many cool things about this station. But my recommendation is to give it an hour. There is feel to this station. It takes a little time for the magic of what it is to wash over you.
I hope you give it a listen and I would enjoy hearing your thoughts.
> Waldman is considered a pioneer in the male-dominated field of sports broadcasting. She is the third woman in Major League Baseball history to serve as a full-time color commentator on a regular basis, after Betty Caywood in 1964 and Mary Shane in 1977. In the mid-1990s, she was a play-by-play announcer for the Yankees’ local TV broadcasts on WPIX, which made her the second woman to serve in that capacity on TV for a major league team, after Gayle Gardner in 1993. via wiki
I am not a hardcore baseball fan. I have fond memories of watching the Cubs in the early 80’s before the lights in Wriggley on WGN with my father and grandmother.
In recent years, living in Central Texas, I have become an Astro’s fan. I use the MLB app to stream the radio broadcast and I have learned over the last 5 years to really enjoy listening vs watching baseball. You develop a bond or kinship with the announcers. They matter.
Suzyn calls for the Yankee’s. Not a favorite team of mine. I enjoy her calling the games. So much that if the Astros are not playing and I want to listen to a baseball game, I will listen to the Yankee’s to hear her.
She was recently interviewed by Sarah Lang on the MLB Youtube Channel. Link
> Suzyn Waldman is an inspiration to girls and women who want to work in sports. (via @mlb)
A weblog is a coffeehouse conversation in text, with references as required.
Rebecca Blood – 2002 from her book the weblog handbook
Why am I hammering blogs these last couple of days?
I feel that social media, I am looking at you Zuck, have failed us. We traded easy and free for our free will and free expression. Facebook and Instagram decide what you see. The company wants you to stare at the app for a long time. They are making money from your attention. They are in your relationships. The intent is to manipulate your mind and emotions for their profit not yours.
When I deleted my Facebook and Instagram accounts I was free. But I still wanted to express myself. I had this blog I opened back in 2018 to document my health journey so I decide to post more here.
I think you should consider moving your daily thoughts to a blog as well. WordPress.com has plans for $4 a month. Forget about likes and comments. Think about self expression and sharing your story.
If you have a personal blog – let me know in the comments.